I will fear no evil

You're Not Cute. Have More Orgasms. "The 10 Things Women Need to Realize In 2013." (Written by a Man.)

Thu, 23 May 2013 00:12:11 +0700

So I recently came across this website, Elite Daily. It calls itself “The Voice of Generation-Y.”

The link I stumbled on was to an article titled “The 10 Things Women Need to Realize in 2013.” OK. Let’s check this out…

OH, BOY. What the fuck is this? The first photo attached to the article should have tipped me off, but I was too focused on the name of the author…

That’s right. EDDIE CUFFIN. A dude is about to lecture women on what they should “realize” in 2013. But, not just any dude. It’s says right there in his bio: “THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE OFFICE.”

Let’s take a look at a few of these “things”…

“Ladies, realize that in 2013, you are not cute.”

“Back to to the kitchen women and make me a sandwich.”

Well, shit. Thank you GUY for explaining this stuff to women! I mean, one of the points in this article was about getting men to “eat out your ‘box.’” And all that along with the objectifying pics? What would a girl living in the 1950s…err…2013 do without this article?!

But, don’t worry! Eddie Cuffin has got more for all of you seeking his advice. Gems such as…

“The 21 Signs She’s Expired.”

That’s right, girls. If you are over the age of 19 and 1/2, hang up the boots and please deposit yourself in the closest trash bin.

Misogynistic, transphobic AND he hates Mila Kunis! Eddie Cuffin is a catch!

What a gentleman.

But, don’t worry! Eddie Cuffin won’t leave you hanging now that you know your girlfriend is “expired” like the cold cuts sitting in the back of your fridge…

Eddie Cuffin’s gonna let you know how to cheat on her with “15 Steps to Successfully Cheat on Your Girlfriend!” Eddie says women are like chicken (expired chicken?) and stale bread! The man who wants to empower women in 2013 with cooking lessons and orgasms would also like them to know that their value depreciates over time (because women are nothing but a commodity, duh!). GIRLS, “you’re getting older and not getting any tighter” and by not stopping time you “compel” men to cheat! IT’S YOUR FAULT, LADIES…

“15 Easy Steps to Managing Your Mistress.” Fellas! Your pal Eddie’s got you covered here too! Because it’s 2013 (Eddie’s got a real infatuation for 2013) and as it says right there above…It’s that time in your life, and not just yours, everyman’s life where he ”GROW A SACK AND GET A MISTRESS.”

“Women lie a lot.” You hear that men? Women are EVIL LIARS. Why can’t they just be truthful while you lie and cheat on them?! GIRLS ARE THE WORST.

But, what if you fell for the evil voodoo women and she went ahead on her very own and decided to get pregnant (THE NERVE)? Don’t worry, Eddie Cuffin’s got you covered here too!

“Many poor men.” If only they had Eddie Cuffin’s brilliant mind and knew the “20 East Steps to Raising a Whore” so they could do the exact opposite!

Steps like…

Letting her get involved in fun activities like cheerleading and gymnastics! Only WHORES play sports!

Telling her she can’t date a black man! Because we all know women will go out and do the exact opposite! AND ONLY WHORES DATE BLACK MEN. (Eddie Cuffin: misogynistic, transphobic, and now racist too!)

Put her on birth control at 13! Because we all know girls don’t have sex UNLESS they are on birth control. No birth control, no sex, and there’s like no teen moms in 2013…the Voice of Generation-Y, people!

In case these listicles full of amazing advice weren’t enough for ya, Eddie’s got a Twitter account too! 140 characters of pure wisdom!

Eddie Cuffin of Elite Daily, folks! The Voice of Generation Y (Don’t Girls Like Me, I Am So Alone).

Me: sees book store looks to friend shuffles towards bookstore

Wed, 22 May 2013 22:20:43 +0700

Me: *sees book store* *looks to friend* *shuffles towards bookstore*
Friend: no.

vitalemontea: Star Trek Dance Gif by ~whitetiger13

Wed, 22 May 2013 22:20:33 +0700

vitalemontea:

Star Trek Dance Gif by ~whitetiger13

My internet Friends are Real!

Wed, 22 May 2013 22:01:17 +0700

jamietheignorantamerican:

I’ll always be there for you.

Because that’s what friends are for.

kahtiihma: the fuckING PENCIL SHARPENER ONE BRILLIANT THANK...

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:34:17 +0700

kahtiihma:

the fuckING PENCIL SHARPENER ONE

BRILLIANT THANK YOU

secretly-misha: onedeepdarknothingyougotthere: just a friendly...

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:24:34 +0700

secretly-misha:

onedeepdarknothingyougotthere:

just a friendly reminder that Misha Collins has hundreds of thousands of dollars, but lives in a quaint little house that he built himself

just a friendly reminder the Misha Collins is too perfect for this world

just a friendly reminder that I have taken a one-way ticket to the core of the sun and burning in feels

doeraymisha: do u ever cry bc misha collins built his own house for his family and made his wife’s...

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:23:58 +0700

doeraymisha:

do u ever cry bc misha collins built his own house for his family and made his wife’s engagement ring and cooks with his son and is an amazing actor and a published poet and is so smart and is hilarious and charming and quite possibly the greatest man on earth

because i do

Tumblr: Only a heartless person would scroll pa-

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:22:41 +0700

Tumblr: Only a heartless person would scroll pa-
Me: *Scrolls past*

awwyisssss: superlockedintardis: noo00oo00oo00oo: noo00oo00oo00oo: the power button looks like...

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:22:14 +0700

awwyisssss:

superlockedintardis:

noo00oo00oo00oo:

noo00oo00oo00oo:

the power button looks like sex i mean look at it

there is a long straight thing going inside a circle

omg it lookS LIKE THAT BECAUSE

IT TURNS

THINGS

ON

#DONE

I will never look at the power button the same ever again. Thanks tumblr.

something-wicked: if only

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:22:11 +0700

something-wicked:

if only

big-booty-itches: when your parents ask you to help them with technology

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:22:01 +0700

big-booty-itches:

when your parents ask you to help them with technology

skateon-and-keepcalm: sexcouture: mymymycroft: catch-thecumber...

Wed, 22 May 2013 19:11:55 +0700

skateon-and-keepcalm:

sexcouture:

mymymycroft:

catch-thecumbersnitch:

shut-up-merlin:

laughingsquid:

Where they make the Tumblr

LOOK AT THE GUY ON THE COUCH ON THE RIGHT

the guy on the right is the epitome of tumblr he probably did that at his job interview and theyre like youre hired

ANYONE ELSE NOTICED THE DOG GUYS THEY HAVE A DOG

I feel like my blog is a disgrace if i dont reblog this

I bet the lounge room have like Mean Girls playing & someone serving them Starbucks

barricadeponine: i wish i was a mermaid so i could have a nice shiny tail and a pretty seashell bra...

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:10:38 +0700

barricadeponine:

i wish i was a mermaid so i could have a nice shiny tail and a pretty seashell bra and a beautiful voice that i could use to entice cute boys and make them crash their ships and drown at sea so human women could rise as the dominate gender of the land

do-i-fucking-stutter: I feel so bad for laughing while seeing...

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:10:31 +0700

do-i-fucking-stutter:

I feel so bad for laughing while seeing his name in the credits. It’s just that his name even stands out among the rest of the cast who all have simple name.. xDDD

lumos5000: budapestcupboardlatch: cliffrose-acetone: Doctor Who: SCREAMING Supernatural: CRYING...

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:10:17 +0700

lumos5000:

budapestcupboardlatch:

cliffrose-acetone:

Doctor Who: SCREAMING
Supernatural: CRYING
Sherlock: WAITING
Merlin: DEAD
Hannibal: Eating Merlin

HANNIBAL YOU SPIT MERLIN OUT, RIGHT. NOW!

Impeccable timing fandoms

ladymarvels: One day I will be productive. But that day is not today.

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:09:55 +0700

ladymarvels:

One day I will be productive. But that day is not today.

misandrwitch: Is This A Kink I Have Or Was This Fic just Really Well Written; an existential crisis...

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:09:49 +0700

misandrwitch:

Is This A Kink I Have Or Was This Fic just Really Well Written; an existential crisis in three acts

thevisforvictory: futureconflicted: i-am-mishafuckingcollins: ...

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:09:22 +0700

thevisforvictory:

futureconflicted:

i-am-mishafuckingcollins:

ahaha-hahaha-no:

bowtiesarecool4:

this-is-just-what-loki-wants:

themishacollins:

Let’s play a game called: Actual Supernatural line or not?

Does this mean we can finally clear up the origin of THIS line?

They’re both real lines

And the infamous:

The best game on tumblr

me during the summer: is today wednesday or sunday

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:09:13 +0700

me during the summer: is today wednesday or sunday

fishingboatproceeds: bbc-bestbromancecompany: Nerdfighter...

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:08:18 +0700

fishingboatproceeds:

bbc-bestbromancecompany:

Nerdfighter Benedict? Or just failed Vulcan?

As far as I can tell, there are eight possibilities here. (I’ve spent a fair bit of time thinking about this.)

1. Benedict Cumberbatch is a hardcore nerdfighter and when Martin Freeman threw up a gang sign, Cumberbatch was like, “I have one of those.”

2. Cumberbatch, who obviously has a relationship with Star Trek, just naturally changed the Vulcan sign (pulling in the thumbs, turning the palms inward, crossing the arms) in precisely the same way that I happened to change the Vulcan sign when I first made the nerdfighter sign in the halcyon days of 2007.

3. One of the interns on set who has gained the trust of Benedict Cumberbatch was like, “If you do your hands like this, the Internet will get really excited.” And so he did.

4. BBC, in their infinite wisdom, staged the entire photo and Cumberbatch was taught the nerdfighter sign (I MEAN LOOK AT THE PERFECTION OF HIS NERDFIGHTER SIGN! He seems so comfortable and confident in it, almost as if it is muscle memory, almost as if he has flashed it to his laptop screen on hundreds of occasions in the past, but I digress) and this photograph was staged to get people psyched for Sherlock, although what tiny segment of nerdfighteria is not already psyched for Sherlock? Also, if this is the case, who is Martin Freeman trying to advertise to? Residents of the West Side?

5. Benedict Cumberbatch has a relative or a friend who is a nerdfighter and so he is passingly familiar with nerdfighteria and liked what he has seen and wanted to make us all very happy.

6. The nerdfighter sign also happens to be the hand sign of some obscure English gang with which I am unfamiliar called like The East London Wanderers or The Slightly Intimidating Liverpudlians or whatever.

7. Nerdfighteria actually figures in the plot of the new season of Sherlock. Perhaps a nerdfighter has been (wrongly no doubt!) accused of a murder.

8. Benedict Cumberbatch was playing some kind of British version of Rock Paper Scissors against two invisible opponents, and he went double scissors (as any smart person would).